Confronting a sommelier at your dining table often causes a significant degree of vulnerability and self-doubt among many fully-fledged and usually assured adults.

No matter how frequently you consider wine, whether daily or just during special occasions, wine retail sellers and sommeliers should serve as the initial point of consultation for anyone faced with decisions regarding wine. In essence, these wine experts exist for the sole purpose of aiding consumers in comprehending wine bottle labels and menus. The more proficient ones dedicate several years to studying wine just to be able to suggest the impeccable pinot noir or recommend pairings for exotic foods.

What then, causes us to freeze when a sommelier comes over with the wine menu and a handful of pleasant inquiries? More so, how often do you find yourself avoiding your regular retailer despite clearly needing assistance?

According to Torrence O’Haire, the executive beverage director at the Gage Hospitality Group—which operates restaurants like The Gage and Acanto situated around Millenium Park—the social pitfalls enveloping wine can explain this. “There’s a common dread that if you select the incorrect bottle or consume the wrong drink, you’ll appear foolish in front of everyone,” he proclaimed. “Due to fear that the sommelier may belittle them or make them feel embarrassed for not having spent enough cash, many guests choose to avoid communicating with a sommelier.”

Wine professionals understand the unease many feel when talking about wine, but most would gladly alleviate your discomfort. The key is to strike a rapport with them.

The first rule, according to O’Haire, is to find someone knowledgeable about wine with whom you feel comfortable talking. Look for restaurants or shops where the wine experts are interested in building a relationship with you. If they’re not helping you feel at ease, it may be time to find a new place.

Don’t hesitate to discuss your preferences with your sommelier or wine retailer, especially in terms of how much you intend to spend. Your budget is undoubtedly the most efficient way for wine professionals to suggest the right choices.

The prospect of revealing your budget to a date, relative or business associate may seem daunting, but O’Haire notes customers should feel wholly relaxed telling their wine experts how much they wish to spend. Whether it’s $40 or $400, their goal is to ensure you’re happy and satisfied with your choice.

If you ever find yourself perplexed after a conversation with a sommelier or other wine expert, you are not alone. Understanding the language of wine can be challenging due to its complex jargon and the vast differences in how consumers and wine professionals discuss the subject.

Unfortunately, this problem is a two-way street. “As wine professionals, we are so engrossed in wine terminology, we often use unique terms or reference regions and grape varieties that are unfamiliar to most,” explains George Day-Toles, a sommelier, and the beverage and education manager at Verve Wine, a wine shop located in Lincoln Park. “When I’m at home, my husband will often ask me to explain a wine ‘like he’s four years old,'” says Day-Toles.

“However, as a community, and particularly in Chicago, we are striving to demystify the world of wine and make it more accessible. We want our customers to feel comfortable and know that we are truly listening, not merely trying to sell products,” expresses Day-Toles.

The consumers, on their part, also contribute to the confusion by often misusing fundamental wine terms. For instance, one common misunderstanding pertains to whether a wine is dry or sweet. By definition, a dry wine has no perceivable sweetness due it having little to no remaining residual sugar after fermentation. In contrast, a sweet wine tastes sweet because it still retains some residual sugar.

Wine enthusiasts often misuse the term “dry” when discussing wine, applying it to a variety of sensory experiences beyond just its sugar content. The term can be used to refer to the lack of intense fruity flavour, or the astringent quality of tannins—the bitter compounds found in grapes or wood that lend a textural quality and puckering sensation to wine.

Fruity flavours in wine such as cherry, mango, or grapefruit are often mistaken for sweetness, even in the absence of sugar. It is not unusual for wines associated with bold fruity flavours—such as Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Noir—to be completely dry.

Day-Toles notes, “When a customer requests a sweet wine, I always need to clarify if they refer to a wine with residual sugar when they say ‘sweet’, or if they’re seeking something that is merely fruity and juicy.”

The term “smooth” is another term that tends to create confusion due to its subjectivity. It might be used to describe the overall texture of a wine, implying low acidity or soft tannins. However, consumers often use it to describe various aspects, from the presence of residual sugar to the absence of bubbles or fizz. In the worst case, the term “smooth” may denote a blandness that’s verging on lifeless.

“It’s fine if that’s what they really want,” O’Haire said, but there are a lot of unhelpful wine terms that remind him of a line from the movie, “The Princess Bride.” “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means,” he quotes.

This communications gap is why sommeliers like O’Haire often opt to wipe the slate clean of wine terminology altogether when interacting with guests, peppering them instead with questions about anything from their current mood to their favorite movie just to establish rapport and openness instead. “Sometimes, the most useful information a consumer is much more basic,” he said. “If a guest tells me, ‘at home we drink a lot of pinot grigio, I love Chablis but I don’t want to spend that much money tonight and I’m having fish for dinner,’ I can quickly triangulate from there,” O’Haire said.

After all, the best wine professionals are more than just wine experts. Sometimes a translator, detective and psychologist too, they’re your most underutilized advocate in getting the greatest rewards from your wine purchases.

Anna Lee Iijima is a freelance writer.