The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, we are here to have some fun.
Sequels can be tricky business. They can be fun when there’s a legitimate way to continue the story, but they can also come across as lazy cash grabs targeted at a baked-in audience. Sometimes movie franchises try to have it both ways by setting up a sequel by ending on a cliffhanger, which is extra annoying and a good reminder that both the most recent Fast & Furious movie and the most recent Mission: Impossible movie cut to their respective credits after an open-ended reveal about a submarine that was either trapped under or bursting out of a sheet of ice. Which was actually kind of funny. Both movies also featured frantic car chases through Rome and twists related to characters that died many movies earlier. This isn’t where I thought this paragraph was headed when I started writing it but it’s still important to note.
The point here is that you need to have a good story to earn a sequel. And that original stories can be hard to create. And that it’s kind of nice when the universe just goes right ahead and plops one in your lap. This brings us to this bit of news out of France from earlier this week.
Wine worth more than €1.5m ($1.6m) has vanished from La Tour d’Argent, one of Paris’ most famous restaurants and the inspiration for the film Ratatouille.
I think you see where this is headed. Especially if you are a regular reader of this column. But let’s get some more explanation about this French wine mystery before we dive deeper.
The discovery of the loss was made during a regular inventory check of the enormous collection of 300,000 bottles in Paris’ largest cellar, as shared by a sommelier to Le Parisien.
Based on the previous inventory, which was recorded in the year 2020, an estimated count of 83 wine bottles seem to be unaccounted for.
Before we proceed further, there are a few noteworthy points to be highlighted:
One last blockquote.
In the list of lost bottles, wines from the renowned Burgundy estate, Domaine de la Romanée-Conti stand out.
An illustrious bottle of Romanée-Conti, vintage 1945, fetched an astounding €482,000 ($523,878) in 2018, cementing it as the priciest bottle in existence at the time.
Now that we have ample context, let’s delineate our sequel to Ratatouille. Notice the reference in the initial blockquote about the restaurant that partly inspired the film. Voila! We have our plotline. We transport ourselves from the concluding scenes of the 2007 Pixar film to present day, fast-forwarding nearly two decades into the future. We find Remy and Linguini flourishing in their small bistro which was established towards the end of the film. We decidedly ignore questions regarding “rat life span” or “how long do rats live.” Everything is perfect.
Regardless.
Next.
The cafe’s notable mini wine storage is plundered. Possibly not to the extent of $1.6 million, but enough to deal a blow. Perhaps Linguini overlooked the insurance documents. (Typical of Linguini.) Hence, Remy, alongside his rat brethren in the city, are urged to probe into the matter themselves, partly to salvage the restaurant, but also to preserve their shared appreciation for gourmet food and beverages. Action is necessary. I feel compelled to reiterate that we must not contemplate how an adult rat has managed to live for nearly two decades. This is critical.
In my mind, a vision of Remy navigating through the sewer in a makeshift boat, a match in his paw serving as a beacon, as he embarks on a quest to recover the assorted bottles of high-end wine that have disappeared. Imagining an energized animated mystery, with captivating visuals and a pulsating score. The antagonist lends his voice from Pierce Brosnan. Surely, you comprehend the proposed concept.
Coming to theaters next summer…
It’s time for…
Rata2ille.
(Sorry.)
Here’s a fascinating piece of news.
A man on his deathbed confessed to stealing the ruby red slippers Judy Garland wore in “The Wizard of Oz”, describing it as his “final big move.” Monday’s sentence is likely to rule out any jail time for him.
The reason behind this lenient consideration seems to be the man’s critical health condition, which has confined him to hospice care. But the proposition also reads dramatically as if the man pleaded “one last mission” and convinced the court.
The man in question, Terry Jon Martin, aged 76, executed the theft in 2005 from the Judy Garland Museum located in Grand Rapids, Minnesota – late actress’s birthplace. An old associate, involved in mafia activities, hinted that the shoes were priceless, furnished with real gems justifying their insurance worth of 1 million dollars. Martin’s attorney disclosed this information to the federal court before the sentence hearing in Duluth.
There are a couple of facts to point out:
The importance of seizing the day, and not forgetting the slippers. Embrace the moment and the slippers.
“Initially, Terry was not on board with the heist idea. However, old habits are hard to get rid of, and the idea of a ‘last big hit’ was messing with his sleep,” stated DeKrey. “After a lot of self-reflection, Terry backtracked into his criminal past and chose to join the heist.”
The narrative is quite disheartening on several layers if you decide to delve deeper underneath, but I would need a heavy-duty digger to look beyond “a lifetime criminal involved with the mafia drove himself into insanity by pondering over stealing Judy Garland’s slippers from The Wizard of Oz as his final great escape before he passes” thus…
Yeah, let’s just leave it there.
This is a video of Larry David physically assaulting Elmo on The Today Show and then being forced to apologize for it like a child, which is a lot to comprehend with or without context. And the explanation of how we all got here doesn’t make any of it less weird. But it’s fun. Here’s the shortest version I can put together.
Earlier this week, Elmo — or at least the social media manager who is tasked with being the voice of Elmo — tweeted this.
Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?
— Elmo (@elmo) January 29, 2024
And Lord in Heaven, did people ever tell Elmo. It became a whole thing. Thousands of people around the world replied to an adorable fuzzy red puppet to unburden themselves of piles of pent-up stress and anxiety and existential dread. There were write-ups and stories about it on the actual news, like the news normal people who aren’t online-addled weirdos consume. It achieved the escape velocity to get to the civilians, which is always a good barometer of whether something is an actual big deal or just something the rest of us goblins are shouting about.
A little while later, Elmo tweeted this follow-up, which is also adorable and proof that Muppets and Sesame Street characters are better-adjusted than the humans watching them.
Wow! Elmo is glad he asked! Elmo learned that it is important to ask a friend how they are doing. Elmo will check in again soon, friends! Elmo loves you.❤️ #EmotionalWellBeing
— Elmo (@elmo) January 30, 2024
Regardless, this is the fascinating story about Elmo’s presence on The Today Show. Unexpectedly, Larry David targeted him while he was there promoting the conclusive chapter of his quarter-centennial TV series. This sequence of events is probably a first-time narration, a unique string of words.
Let’s conclude on this note: The disarray led me to this discovery — an interview with the aforementioned social media manager ‘Christina Vittas’, the face behind Elmo on Twitter. Her demeanor appears to be quite intriguing.
Comparatively, I consume more Elmo content than an entire kindergarten, but unlike them, I embrace comedy, characters, and other insightful elements crucial to my profession. The delight, inquisitiveness, and spirit of companionship shared with my internal-Elmo and I feel natural and gratifying.
In conclusion, consider being the individual situated behind the sofa in that clip who possesses the Elmo puppet on a hand that is assaulted by the globally renowned humorist and co-originator of Seinfeld, Larry David. That’s a narrative you’ll be sharing for ages.
The Larry David CLAW! Elmo’s definitely had a week. pic.twitter.com/739kA8KuNg
— Travis Chapman (@Travispaints) February 2, 2024
We can cover this occurrence with three bullet points and a quotation:
Here’s the description as promised:
A young man barely survives in an underground fight club where he is consistently beaten to a pulp by more favourite fighters for money, night after night, while behind a gorilla mask. Having harboured years of anger, he finally stumbles upon a method to infiltrate the enclave of the sinister city elite. Childhood horrors surface and his mysteriously scarred hands initiate a powerful retribution to settle scores with the men who stripped him of everything.
We are definitely going to watch this movie.
Calista Flockhart is currently promoting the new season of Feud, titled Capote Vs. The Swans. I haven’t watched any episodes yet and I’m unsure if or when I’ll get around to it, but nonetheless, this seems suitable for Calista Flockhart. Ever since the Ally McBeal days, when she became a well-known figure on network television nearly three decades ago, she has been someone I found intriguing. Now, she’s more selective with her roles, not just taking them as they come. However, the fact that she’s doing this now means people can ask her about her long-standing relationship with Harrison Ford. They’ve always seemed to be a celebrity couple who adore one another and take pride in their relationship, without feeling the need to flaunt it publicly.
The new profile of Flockhart in the New York Times reasserts my beliefs.
These two are found hand in hand on the red carpet, they are spotted showing affection at the airport while traveling between Brentwood and their ranch in Jackson Hole, Wyo., and they engage in playful pranks.
Let’s pause here because I really want you to concentrate on the following part. Pay attention. Eyes on the screen, please.
“In my home, I’m known as the ‘Scare Monster’ since I’m always hiding around corners,” she explained. “So when Harrison enters, I jump out and scream, ‘Raaah!’ And he would react, ‘W-uy-aah!’ That cracks me up every time. I plant fake spiders in his large ice cubes, and he drinks it. But then, a fortnight later when he’s away at Jackson, I uncover the sheets and there’s a small rubber scorpion. It’s such fun.”
Let’s highlight a few things here, using bullet points as usual:
Those who truly merit a reality television show are often those who would never aspire to be the star of one. It’s a bit harsh, but there’s a certain beauty to it.
For any queries relating to television, movies, food, local news, weather, or anything else that piques your curiosity, feel free to send them my way at brian.grubb@uproxx.com (indicate “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I’m proud to say I’m the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. No need to fact-check this claim.
A note from Paul:
I’m interested in hearing your views on the latest documentary about Christopher Reeve. You share a similar experience with his injury, correct? If it’s odd or uncomfortable for you, please forgive me. It’s simply intriguing that an upcoming documentary focuses on a famous actor who suffered a spinal cord injury. Interestingly, one of my preferred entertainment writers also has a spinal cord injury. Feel free to ignore my question if it’s inappropriate.
Comrade, I’m open to discussing it. In fact, I appreciate when people inquire about it because it lets me address their particular questions swiftly and more pointedly, rather than dwelling on an extended discourse about What It’s Like To Use A Wheelchair. Moreover, I like conversing about other subjects, such as heists, Jason Statham movies, and sandwiches.
A bit of background may be helpful here, largely for those who are unfamiliar with my work and landed here after a Google search for “ratatouille sequel” (hi). Indeed, like Reeve, I also have a spinal cord injury. However, mine is slightly less severe. His injury was at the level of C1 and C2 vertebrae. These vertebrae control essential functions like breathing. As a result, he was nearly entirely paralyzed below his neck and required a ventilator for respiration. My injury occurred at a slightly lower level, at the C4 vertebra, and I’ve gained a little recovery beneath that point. Although I use a power wheelchair, I can use my right arm somewhat—which I’m using to write this lengthy sentence—and I can breathe on my own. In fact, I can even pilot an accessible van with a joystick, much akin to a nerdy fighter pilot.
The gist of the story is that I find this documentary fascinating. Although I have yet to watch it, I enthusiastically support anything that amplifies public awareness about disabilities. I’m pleased that it might ignite conversations about the topic. Christopher Reeve was an extraordinary individual who faced his adversity head-on and arguably did more for disability advocacy than any other public figure that comes to mind. He deserves to be commemorated in a documentary. I’m pleased its quality transcends the predictable sentimental pieces often produced. Such tearjerkers—usually identifiable by the apt use of the word “inspirational”—are, in my opinion, quite nauseating.
Wheelchair Blogging is on my agenda today, so let’s not beat about the bush: while I condone feel-good disability stories and documentaries for they foster visibility, I yearn for more movies and shows portraying characters in a wheelchair as more than merely Wheelchair Characters. Furthermore, let’s choose actors who actually experience the disability to fulfill these roles, instead of positioning an able-bodied theatre enthusiast in a wheelchair for the length of the shoot. This, to me, seems a reasonable request.
Brace yourselves, for we are about to leap from a Serious Disability Discussion to something rather different…
Off to New Orleans!
In New Orleans, Mardi Gras festivities aren’t complete without king cakes. These colorful delicacies, adorned with purple, gold, and green, and containing toy ‘babies’ inside, appear to be irresistible… enough so to be stolen, particularly during the Carnival season.
Do…
Do we have a cake heist?
A Mardi Gras cake heist???
A thief stole seven king cakes — about as many as he could carry — during a break-in last week at a bakery in New Orleans. The thief also took cash and a case of vodka from Bittersweet Confections last Wednesday, according to New Orleans Police Department.
MARDI GRAS CAKE HEIST
Pondering over the unusual aspect of this story, one can’t help but ask, what does someone do with nine cakes? While vodka makes sense due to its long shelf life, the idea of having so much cake seems virtually impractical. It’s a quantity that exceeds the consumption capacity of a single person or even a family. It seems more like a crime committed without thorough planning. But wait, someone just stole 100 cakes as well.
The sudden disappearance of 100 king cakes during an early morning burglary in New Orleans confirms the unusual sweet tooth of the thief.
100 CAKES
Mike Graves, who is the proprietor of King Cake Drive-Thru, divulged that a thief had shattered a window on his van, running away with the cakes meant for sale today at the firm’s pop-up located in Meridian, Miss.
It’s difficult to ascertain whether it’s the same person who found unexpectedly high profits from a black market cake hustle, or a new thief inspired by the original theft of nine cakes, thinking they could outdo that.
Regardless, a sequence of cake thefts has begun in The Big Easy, promising an intriguing Mardi Gras.
Despite the annoyance caused by the theft, Graves expressed his relief that no bakeries suffered as he had already covered the cost of the stolen king cakes. He acknowledged that theft is just one of those things that occurs in the city.
This guy is remarkably chill about getting 100 cakes — ONE HUNDRED CAKES — stolen from him. We should all strive for this attitude. Good for him.
“Nobody got injured, and everybody has been very sweet and supportive,” Graves said. “There’s more good in the community than bad.”
THE CAKE HEISTS WILL UNITE US ALL.
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