The Etiquette of Host-Gifting

Amy Dickinson, the renowned advice columnist, recently received a question from a reader regarding an interesting social conundrum. The reader, who we will refer to as Vino Lover, attended a high school class reunion where she brought a bottle of wine as a gift for the hostess. However, she soon discovered that no alcohol was being served at the event. In her letter, Vino Lover ponders whether she should have asked for her wine back since it wouldn’t be used.

While many might argue that Vino Lover’s dilemma is trivial, it does bring up an interesting etiquette question. Should one request the return of a gift if it turns out to be unused or unsuitable for the occasion? In this case, Vino Lover wondered what would happen to her bottle of wine, given that the hosts did not drink alcohol.

It is important to approach this situation with understanding and perspective. Vino Lover does not have any knowledge of the hosts’ alcohol preferences; all she knows is that they chose not to serve alcohol at that particular event. To ask for the wine back would be rather impolite and overlook the fact that the hosts have complete discretion over how to handle the gift.

If anything, Vino Lover should consider the possibility that her gift might still find a purpose in the future. Should she invite the hosts over for dinner or another gathering, it wouldn’t be surprising to see the wine make its way back to her as a host-gift. In such situations, it is not uncommon for people to regift or share items that may have been meant for them initially.

At the end of the day, it is crucial to adopt a gracious approach to gift-giving. Vino Lover should not dwell on the fate of her bottle of wine but appreciate the thought behind her gesture. While it is understandable that she might feel a bit perturbed, it is essential to remember that gifts are given voluntarily, and recipients have the freedom to use them as they see fit.

In the future, it might be helpful to have a conversation with the hosts before selecting a gift. This can ensure that the gift aligns with the occasion and the hosts’ preferences, avoiding any potential misunderstandings or awkward moments. However, it is worth noting that sometimes surprises can be delightful, and a bottle of wine might still find appreciation even at an alcohol-free gathering.

In conclusion, Vino Lover’s concern about her wine might be understandable, but it is ultimately insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Let us embrace the spirit of generosity and consideration, remembering that gifts should be given without any expectations or strings attached. Instead, let us focus on cherishing the connections and memories that reunions and gatherings bring, rather than fixating on minor details.

If you have any further questions or need advice on similar matters, you can reach out to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also stay updated with her insights by following her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.